A Mother's Heart

Although I am exhausted right now from being at teen camp all week, I have been awake for the past few hours dreaming and praying for my baby. Not the sweet precious little girl that I can see through the monitor soundly sleeping in her crib, but the one that is on the other side of the globe. This might sound crazy to you, because the truth is, that baby might not even be born yet. We don't know really know anything about this baby-whether it is a boy or girl, how old they are, what their features look like, how their voice sounds when they cry or when they laugh, but that doesn't matter to this mother's heart.

I have actually been thinking, dreaming, and praying for this child for over a decade. It hasn't always been an everyday thing. At first, when I returned from Uganda it was heavy on my heart. I would often think back to the children I had met and pray for their life there. Then the Lord made my burden heavier and heavier. I would tell those I was very close to about this passion in my heart for a people whose life is so different from mine, yet created by the same Master. Finally, when we moved to Kenya, I could truly share this experience with the one I am honored to share my life with. Now, he too could understand.

Words can't accurately describe this connection and love I have. I only know that it has to be from my Heavenly Father. When we came back to the states, everything fell into place in our lives and we felt confidence that we were living in the center of the Lord's will, what an awesome place to be! But my heart has always longed for my baby. I was very fortunate that I had a fantastic pregnancy. I really felt great, and I loved having Emory inside of me. During that time I would dream about what she would look like and be like, and as weird as this may sound to you, even then I would think about and dream about my other child on the opposite side of the world.

God has placed this love in my heart for such a long time, and I cannot wait to see His plans unfold. Right now, this process feels like it is slow and never-ending, but the truth is I am closer now than ever before. I firmly believe God already has our child chosen for us, and it will be in His timing that we are finally joined as a family. Until then, I wake up in the early morning hours crying, praying, and trusting our baby is in the Lord's hands until I can hold them in my arms.